Real German Slang that a coursebook won’t teach!

Speaking like a native speaker is always geil. However native speech, as you know, is not complete without Real German slang. Where to learn to speak, weaving actual colloquial words into your phrases? The textbook won’t teach you that! Deutsch WTF – on the other side – will!

It’s great that now we all have got internet: I’ve compiled a list of the most common German slang words that will help a non-native speaker speak like a local in Germany. Well, almost. (but hey, if you never try, you never know)

1. abfucken 

Means doing everything that is annoying, gets on your nerves, is unnecessary, looks like shit, etc.

• Hör endlich auf mich abzufucken! – Stop fucking with me already! (not literally🤪)

2. chefmatratze

If you aren’t a complete beginner in German, you should’ve already understood what this means, der Chef (boss) + die Matratze (matrass) – Bossmatrass aka secretary 😏

• Paul, wusstest du, dass Joanne eine Chefmatratze ist? – Paul, did you know that Joanne is a boss matrass?

3. edelratte 

Have you seen those small dogs that always bark for no freaking reason? Well, German is not German if it didn’t have a word for this! die Edelratte – a small dog.

• Schau mal, da läuft eine Edelratte! – Look, there runs a small dog!

4. gammeln

Because of the coronatimes everyone did it at some point – did nothing all day long. So, gammeln means to bum, chill out

• Nachdem der Chirurg seine Arbeit beendet hat, kam er nach Hause und gammelte den ganzen Tag ein. – After the surgeon finished his work, he came home and bummed all day.

5. Ranzkanten

Imagine sitting in a bus, waiting to gammeln den ganzen Abend, but then all your thoughts cut because of a sudden feel of stink because a minger came into the bus. Ranzkanten – stinkende, eklige Person – bum, minger

• Ein Ranzkanten saß neben Paula im Bus. – A bum sat near Paula in the bus

6. Wohlstandstitten

While Wohlstand means wealth, Wohlstandstitten don’t directly mean “wealthy tits”. Have you seen men that can make a concurrence to the breast size of women? Well that’s how their big tits are called. die Wohlstandstitten – man tits/boobs.

• Carla, rate mal, der Typ im Park hat größere Wohlstandstitten als ich. – Carla guess what, that guy in the park has bigger prosperity tits than mine!

7. Wo ist der Bus?

You know these people who always tend to talk stuff no one cares about? Well, once you’re fed up with their blabber you ask “Wo ist der Bus?” aka “Wen interessiest’s”? – Who gives a damn?/Whatever!

8. Lernbulimie

You learn, learn, learn the whole day before der Prüfung (der because vor der Prüfung). Then before the exam you decide to read it again and BOOM you forgot everything you’ve read! Drücke F für Respekt! ⚰

• Tom hat seinen letzten Test versaut, weil er eine Lernbulimie hatte. – Tom fucked up his last test because he experienced a learning bulimia.

9. Mitternachtsschlosser

Mitternacht – midnight, der Schlosser – locksmith; You might think this means “midnight locksmith”, well it’s a yesn’t! He does open your front door, but not because you called him, but to get your belongings! der Mitternachtsschlosser – burglar, thief

• Situation aus dem Leben. Treffen sich zwei alte Kollegen. Fragt der eine, den anderen, “Und, was hast du die letzten Jahre so getrieben? Was arbeitest du?”. “Ich arbeite als Mitternachtsschlosser”. – A situation from life. Two old colleagues meet. One asks the other, “So, what have you been up to for the last few years? Whom do you work as?”. “I work as a midnight locksmith”.

10. monitorgebräunt

I hope you survived 2020. Although if you are reading this, then most likely yes. Anyway, have you noticed how monitorgebräunt you are? If you still didn’t catch what this means, let me translate: monitorgebräunt – monitor tanned. 🤣